After nearly two years I believe I may be back to blog some more. I have had repeated requests from some of my friends and lately even Charles has been openly hinting that I should return to this long-lost blog. I still have my reservations about returning - many of them the same issues that caused me to leave in the first place. But in addition to these reservations I once again feel the desire to write and to share what is going on in my life.
I have yet to decide what form this blog will take and even whether I will make it a public or a private blog, but I'm feeling more and more draw to start this up again. However, in a spirit of honesty I'll admit that I don't know how much time I will be able to dedicate to this blog, particularly as my son moves out of infancy and into toddlerhood. Only time will tell.
Part of what draws me to blog is a desire to share with others a deeper part of myself. That same inclination to share is what eventually led me to give up the blog because I felt overexposed, or more accurately, judged without full understanding. So my new goal is to strike a balance between opening my life up and holding and protecting what is deeply precious to me. This tentative return will, in essence, be a trial of how well I feel that I can strike that balance.
Additionally, Charles would like to hijack this blog on occasion to showcase some of his photography. Who knows, he may even choose to write something every now and again. He wants to use this public forum as an incentive to keep up with his hobby. Any encouragement in that direction would be appreciated. So this will be a slightly different direction than I took in the past because it will be a collaborative effort.
Finally, thanks for stopping by. Maybe I'll be back.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Goodbye
I was so hoping to make it to 500 posts (and I am only about 20 away). But instead I am writing you today to say goodbye.
I originally started this blog, nearly 3 years ago, as a means to keep in touch with my old high school friends. I also had grand aspirations of becoming exceedingly popular, which we all know by now did not happen. Over time it developed as a way for me to share my life and my thoughts and for awhile I felt that I could be, if not totally, then mostly, honest. But things have changed. My life has drastically diverged from that of any of my friends, what with trying to maintain a long-distance marriage, and I feel that I can no longer share parts of who I am in this public place. After all, I wouldn't go stand naked in Plaza Mayor, would I?
And since this blog became, for me, a way to share my own thoughts with myself, I have realized that by not writing, and feeling guilty about not writing, I have stopped writing. I am not journaling. I am just not sharing with myself the things I need to share. So, I have decided to stop this ridiculousness and start writing again. But in order to do that, I need to not feel guilty about not writing to all you lovely people. So I will be journaling, but only for myself. I may, on occasion send an entry to a friend or two in order to share, but mostly it will be for me.
Having rambled on for some time now, I will finally say:
Goodbye.
I originally started this blog, nearly 3 years ago, as a means to keep in touch with my old high school friends. I also had grand aspirations of becoming exceedingly popular, which we all know by now did not happen. Over time it developed as a way for me to share my life and my thoughts and for awhile I felt that I could be, if not totally, then mostly, honest. But things have changed. My life has drastically diverged from that of any of my friends, what with trying to maintain a long-distance marriage, and I feel that I can no longer share parts of who I am in this public place. After all, I wouldn't go stand naked in Plaza Mayor, would I?
And since this blog became, for me, a way to share my own thoughts with myself, I have realized that by not writing, and feeling guilty about not writing, I have stopped writing. I am not journaling. I am just not sharing with myself the things I need to share. So, I have decided to stop this ridiculousness and start writing again. But in order to do that, I need to not feel guilty about not writing to all you lovely people. So I will be journaling, but only for myself. I may, on occasion send an entry to a friend or two in order to share, but mostly it will be for me.
Having rambled on for some time now, I will finally say:
Goodbye.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Vote for Me!!
I know that is has been nearly a month since I have posted. My biggest concern about this is that now there is now way I will win a Hoagie Award (support the Hoagies!). Have I missed you? Maybe. I would say yes, but I have been too busy to really miss people (other than Charles) and I have been reading your blogs even if I haven’t been commenting much, so I don’t really feel too out of touch.
Here in Jenniland I have invented the Jenncylcopedia, of which Heather Anne will be the first purchaser when it goes to print. I have managed to make it to the end of each week. This is a rather amazing feat. Every week I feel as if I might not make it. I have more school work than I care to think about so, typically, I wait until the last minute to complete it. I have been working hard and really trying to put myself into it instead of just showing up. I don’t know why I got that idea, but it has both helped me survive and sapped a lot of my energy. I have been trying to work out on a regular basis but this last week put a major kink in that plan.
This last week has been pretty rough. A job offer fell in my lap and I passed it on to Jo. Then I decided that maybe, if they paid more, I’d switch jobs for the last while that I’m living here in good ole Saratoga. So I drove Jo to her job interview and ended up getting hired. It seemed too good to be true that we had both gotten jobs so quickly! And it was. I went the next day (one of my days normally dedicated to school) to observe to make sure that it was going to work out for me. And everything was wrong. I was going to net less than I thought, which meant less than I was already getting paid. I was going to work in a very disorganized setting. I was not guaranteed a paycheck on any particular day and the list goes on. So after wasting a perfectly good Wednesday at a loser job I still had to work on Thursday and Friday and write a paper, do research for another (I have to submit a bibliography), and do two science projects.
I’ve felt like a crazy person ever since, working and sleeping and not enjoying my life. So last night Johanna and I took the evening off and went to our friends’ Halloween party. I was a geisha and Jo was a troubled soul (cape, long black satin glove and Chuck Taylors all included). We had a good time and then I came home and slept.
Oh, and Johanna moved out last weekend. She is now sharing an apartment with her friend Carrie and Carrie’s boyfriend Steve (who is technically not living there but spends all his time and nights there). It’s a cute place and I am jealous that she has it in a totally supportive and excited for her way.
Charles will be back for Christmas in less than 50 days and I can hardly wait. Some days I can barely get out of bed because he is gone and most of the time I can’t breathe easily because he’s not at my side. There are other Charles developments, namely job things, but they are not certain and certainly not exciting for you, so I will leave it at that.
There, I did it.
Here in Jenniland I have invented the Jenncylcopedia, of which Heather Anne will be the first purchaser when it goes to print. I have managed to make it to the end of each week. This is a rather amazing feat. Every week I feel as if I might not make it. I have more school work than I care to think about so, typically, I wait until the last minute to complete it. I have been working hard and really trying to put myself into it instead of just showing up. I don’t know why I got that idea, but it has both helped me survive and sapped a lot of my energy. I have been trying to work out on a regular basis but this last week put a major kink in that plan.
This last week has been pretty rough. A job offer fell in my lap and I passed it on to Jo. Then I decided that maybe, if they paid more, I’d switch jobs for the last while that I’m living here in good ole Saratoga. So I drove Jo to her job interview and ended up getting hired. It seemed too good to be true that we had both gotten jobs so quickly! And it was. I went the next day (one of my days normally dedicated to school) to observe to make sure that it was going to work out for me. And everything was wrong. I was going to net less than I thought, which meant less than I was already getting paid. I was going to work in a very disorganized setting. I was not guaranteed a paycheck on any particular day and the list goes on. So after wasting a perfectly good Wednesday at a loser job I still had to work on Thursday and Friday and write a paper, do research for another (I have to submit a bibliography), and do two science projects.
I’ve felt like a crazy person ever since, working and sleeping and not enjoying my life. So last night Johanna and I took the evening off and went to our friends’ Halloween party. I was a geisha and Jo was a troubled soul (cape, long black satin glove and Chuck Taylors all included). We had a good time and then I came home and slept.
Oh, and Johanna moved out last weekend. She is now sharing an apartment with her friend Carrie and Carrie’s boyfriend Steve (who is technically not living there but spends all his time and nights there). It’s a cute place and I am jealous that she has it in a totally supportive and excited for her way.
Charles will be back for Christmas in less than 50 days and I can hardly wait. Some days I can barely get out of bed because he is gone and most of the time I can’t breathe easily because he’s not at my side. There are other Charles developments, namely job things, but they are not certain and certainly not exciting for you, so I will leave it at that.
There, I did it.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Asian Update
I know that it has been a month since I have posted. I know also that I have done a lot of things that would be blog-worthy, but I have lost the gumption to write. So I will be brief.
I went to the Republic of Korea at the beginning of September. I was very impressed with the country. The countryside is beautiful and the roads remind me of France (which is funny because that’s what Charles thinks too). Most of my time in Korea was spent on the air force base so I don’t have that much to say about it. We walked into Osan a few times, but it is all catering to the military group so it’s not a very accurate portrayal of the country.
Charles and I also went to Japan for five days. We flew in and out of Osaka but spent our time in and around Kyoto. Japan is a very overwhelming country. The whole time I was there I was on sensory overload. But it was also quite nice, except for the weather. We saw quite a few temples and gardens and a castle and the Imperial Palace and the like. We also took pictures. The CD Charles made me of all the pictures (so that I could have them on my computer too) doesn’t work for some reason, so I am limited to a handful of the ones he’s sent me in emails.
Since then I’ve bee doing schoolwork and work and the like. I’ve tried to hang out with my parents quite a bit since they leave for the Northwest this morning and will be gone until December.
P.S. This photo is from Inari, just south of Kyoto. You may recognize it from the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha. There is over a kilometer of torii gates all in a row up the side of a mountain. It is quite beautiful.
I went to the Republic of Korea at the beginning of September. I was very impressed with the country. The countryside is beautiful and the roads remind me of France (which is funny because that’s what Charles thinks too). Most of my time in Korea was spent on the air force base so I don’t have that much to say about it. We walked into Osan a few times, but it is all catering to the military group so it’s not a very accurate portrayal of the country.
Charles and I also went to Japan for five days. We flew in and out of Osaka but spent our time in and around Kyoto. Japan is a very overwhelming country. The whole time I was there I was on sensory overload. But it was also quite nice, except for the weather. We saw quite a few temples and gardens and a castle and the Imperial Palace and the like. We also took pictures. The CD Charles made me of all the pictures (so that I could have them on my computer too) doesn’t work for some reason, so I am limited to a handful of the ones he’s sent me in emails.
Since then I’ve bee doing schoolwork and work and the like. I’ve tried to hang out with my parents quite a bit since they leave for the Northwest this morning and will be gone until December.
P.S. This photo is from Inari, just south of Kyoto. You may recognize it from the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha. There is over a kilometer of torii gates all in a row up the side of a mountain. It is quite beautiful.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
On Fish and Cathedrals
Okay everyone, here’s my (for some) long-awaited update. Honestly, I haven’t updated out of laziness. Also, I have felt no creative juices whatsoever and I didn’t want to bore all of you with the mundane tasks of life that seem to be my lot right now.
I finished the summer semester with a flourish (read, my last math project got lost in the mail and caused much headache). I worked, worked, worked and I have been lazy. That’s the day-to-day stuff.
Of interest: I bought three fish. First I bought a Beta fish named San Agustin (St. Augustine or Auggie for short). He is red and blue and gorgeous. Auggie is also a philosophically sound fish. We were given a philosophically sound receipt by the cashier as proof! But being a Beta, he is also mean. I read somewhere that if Betas are placed with other extremely passive fish they don’t really have a problem. So I got to thinking, one fish is the loneliest number and I went out (with Johanna) and bought two Black Moor Goldfish. You know, the kind with the buggy eyes that are so ugly they are cute. There is no more docile fish because, as the woman at the store said, “they are simple fish” meaning, so dumb they can’t find their own food (which has been a problem for them).
I took the fish home and, in their bag, put them into the bowl with Auggie. He immediately tried to kill them. They were protected by the plastic and I figured if he had a chance to get used to them then all would be good. But he didn’t get used to them. I thought I was going to cause three fish to have heart attacks, so I took them back out and went back to the store and bought another bowl. So now Auggie sits on my desk and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid sit on Johanna’s bookcase across the room. They make a lot of burbly noises at night, but they also make us happy in their simplicity.
More of interest: Johanna and I went into the City (San Francisco) on Tuesday. We parked at Union Square and walked through China town in search of a calligrapher that we bought from about 5 years ago. Alas, we could not find him, which was very disappointing. So we headed west in search of Japan town (which we never found). On our hunt (read: aimless wandering down unknown streets) we discovered Grace Cathedral. It was gorgeous and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. As we were walking around the gardens and close afterwards Johanna said, “If feels like, well, like…”
“Like coming home?” I responded. Which is exactly what it felt like. It was wonderful. We’re planning an expedition for Christmas Eve.
After visiting Grace Cathedral we walked down, and by down I mean steeply downhill to the wharf and out to the park that is along the bay. We sat and relaxed and just enjoyed being in the city and at the water at the same time. After that we headed home and it was lovely. I hadn’t realized just how much I miss walking in cities.
This will probably be my last update for awhile since I will be off to South Korea and Japan on Tuesday. I can’t even tell you how excited I am!
I finished the summer semester with a flourish (read, my last math project got lost in the mail and caused much headache). I worked, worked, worked and I have been lazy. That’s the day-to-day stuff.
Of interest: I bought three fish. First I bought a Beta fish named San Agustin (St. Augustine or Auggie for short). He is red and blue and gorgeous. Auggie is also a philosophically sound fish. We were given a philosophically sound receipt by the cashier as proof! But being a Beta, he is also mean. I read somewhere that if Betas are placed with other extremely passive fish they don’t really have a problem. So I got to thinking, one fish is the loneliest number and I went out (with Johanna) and bought two Black Moor Goldfish. You know, the kind with the buggy eyes that are so ugly they are cute. There is no more docile fish because, as the woman at the store said, “they are simple fish” meaning, so dumb they can’t find their own food (which has been a problem for them).
I took the fish home and, in their bag, put them into the bowl with Auggie. He immediately tried to kill them. They were protected by the plastic and I figured if he had a chance to get used to them then all would be good. But he didn’t get used to them. I thought I was going to cause three fish to have heart attacks, so I took them back out and went back to the store and bought another bowl. So now Auggie sits on my desk and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid sit on Johanna’s bookcase across the room. They make a lot of burbly noises at night, but they also make us happy in their simplicity.
More of interest: Johanna and I went into the City (San Francisco) on Tuesday. We parked at Union Square and walked through China town in search of a calligrapher that we bought from about 5 years ago. Alas, we could not find him, which was very disappointing. So we headed west in search of Japan town (which we never found). On our hunt (read: aimless wandering down unknown streets) we discovered Grace Cathedral. It was gorgeous and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. As we were walking around the gardens and close afterwards Johanna said, “If feels like, well, like…”
“Like coming home?” I responded. Which is exactly what it felt like. It was wonderful. We’re planning an expedition for Christmas Eve.
After visiting Grace Cathedral we walked down, and by down I mean steeply downhill to the wharf and out to the park that is along the bay. We sat and relaxed and just enjoyed being in the city and at the water at the same time. After that we headed home and it was lovely. I hadn’t realized just how much I miss walking in cities.
This will probably be my last update for awhile since I will be off to South Korea and Japan on Tuesday. I can’t even tell you how excited I am!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
You Know, Life
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written. I also know you are tired of hearing my “busy” excuse, so I’ll save it for another time. Instead I’ll tell you that I just took my finals today, so I have one blissful (or boring) week ahead of me before I have to start up for the fall in order to be caught up enough to go to South Korea in three weeks.
That last paragraph pretty much sums everything up. That and my parents arrived on the 10th. They are staying in a town about 15 minutes away in the guest cottage of some of our long-time friends. Hopefully they are able to relax some, but mostly they are trying to adjust to homeless life. My grandparents are adjusting (albeit, quite slowly) to having my parents around. It has upped the stress level around here and provides all kinds of studies in family dynamics.
Charles and I have arrived at the teens. That is, 19 days until we see one another again. Although in some respects it has gotten easier, mostly each passing day means I can breath a little less freely because of the huge stone of loneliness that is settled on my chest. I have fruitlessly tried to explain what this is like to others, so I won’t even bother to try to tell Blogdom.
This post may explain a bit why I haven’t been faithful with my blog lately. I have been struggling to have a good attitude lately and there is little energy left for blogging, let alone blogging without venting or just doing a miserable job. So I have let it slide. I could say that I will try harder, but I know I won’t, so don’t expect to hear from me for another week or so. And when you do, it will be all about how I’m so excited to see Charles.
P.S. I do hope that after I see him my spirits will be lifted a little bit and I’ll be more bloggedy.
That last paragraph pretty much sums everything up. That and my parents arrived on the 10th. They are staying in a town about 15 minutes away in the guest cottage of some of our long-time friends. Hopefully they are able to relax some, but mostly they are trying to adjust to homeless life. My grandparents are adjusting (albeit, quite slowly) to having my parents around. It has upped the stress level around here and provides all kinds of studies in family dynamics.
Charles and I have arrived at the teens. That is, 19 days until we see one another again. Although in some respects it has gotten easier, mostly each passing day means I can breath a little less freely because of the huge stone of loneliness that is settled on my chest. I have fruitlessly tried to explain what this is like to others, so I won’t even bother to try to tell Blogdom.
This post may explain a bit why I haven’t been faithful with my blog lately. I have been struggling to have a good attitude lately and there is little energy left for blogging, let alone blogging without venting or just doing a miserable job. So I have let it slide. I could say that I will try harder, but I know I won’t, so don’t expect to hear from me for another week or so. And when you do, it will be all about how I’m so excited to see Charles.
P.S. I do hope that after I see him my spirits will be lifted a little bit and I’ll be more bloggedy.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Intellectual Stimulus
I had this grand plan of writing a nice post on the 1st of August for my father. You see, it was his 50th birthday. But somehow the time got away from me and now it is the end of the 5th and I haven’t gotten that far. Besides, I’ve forgotten what I was going to write. Perhaps it was my grandfather’s comment that he is 50 and homeless and he bets my dad never thought that would happen to him! Or maybe it was just how glad I am to have a dad like him. But whatever it was, it’s gone now.
So instead I’ll remind you all that I am a total nerd. Yesterday Johanna and I had a fifteen minute conversation on the word “linger” and although I can’t really make any of it make sense in writing, it was witty and fun. Then we went to one of Johanna’s friend’s house for a party. All of the people at the party, except for Johanna and me, are either students, recently graduated, working on graduate degrees or working at Stanford University. Also, they are all incredibly nice, welcoming and accepting. It was very refreshing to again be around a group of people interested in life outside of their small town, interested in learning, fun and kind.
We grilled out by the pool and had delicious food because L, the hostess, believes in the power of excellent food. Some of the girls went swimming, most of us just chilled by the pool and talked. Around 11pm we headed into her tiny apartment and lounged around on the floor talking and drinking tea. L, who is a professional mehndi artist (henna), did henna tattoos on people. I got a gorgeous tattoo on my right shoulder and I love it.
Needless to say, I thought yesterday was very fun. I was exhausted this morning when my grandfather let loose with the leaf blower at 9:30 and I was still sound asleep. It wrecked my recovery of sleep lost from chilling with cool people till odd hours, but I managed to get in a two-hour nap today when I was supposed to be writing a paper on The Glass Menagerie. Then I killed even more time by chatting with the neighbor across the street. We discussed all the problems that colonization has caused in the world (he is Indian so he had some interesting viewpoints on British colonization versus other nations). We discussed the problems of soccer moms, and all kinds of other things. Eventually my grandparents made it out and they continued the conversation with him.
All in all, I’ve had a good few weeks. Now, back to the paper.
So instead I’ll remind you all that I am a total nerd. Yesterday Johanna and I had a fifteen minute conversation on the word “linger” and although I can’t really make any of it make sense in writing, it was witty and fun. Then we went to one of Johanna’s friend’s house for a party. All of the people at the party, except for Johanna and me, are either students, recently graduated, working on graduate degrees or working at Stanford University. Also, they are all incredibly nice, welcoming and accepting. It was very refreshing to again be around a group of people interested in life outside of their small town, interested in learning, fun and kind.
We grilled out by the pool and had delicious food because L, the hostess, believes in the power of excellent food. Some of the girls went swimming, most of us just chilled by the pool and talked. Around 11pm we headed into her tiny apartment and lounged around on the floor talking and drinking tea. L, who is a professional mehndi artist (henna), did henna tattoos on people. I got a gorgeous tattoo on my right shoulder and I love it.
Needless to say, I thought yesterday was very fun. I was exhausted this morning when my grandfather let loose with the leaf blower at 9:30 and I was still sound asleep. It wrecked my recovery of sleep lost from chilling with cool people till odd hours, but I managed to get in a two-hour nap today when I was supposed to be writing a paper on The Glass Menagerie. Then I killed even more time by chatting with the neighbor across the street. We discussed all the problems that colonization has caused in the world (he is Indian so he had some interesting viewpoints on British colonization versus other nations). We discussed the problems of soccer moms, and all kinds of other things. Eventually my grandparents made it out and they continued the conversation with him.
All in all, I’ve had a good few weeks. Now, back to the paper.
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